Coffee and Cookies with My Dad
My Father’s birthday is today and he is not here to have lunch with me. My obsession with restaurants is to recreate conversations with him. I look on a lake and think he would like to be with me at 82. He always made me feel like he loved my company. He is living in my being somewhere, everywhere. “Whatever we lose is somewhere” Science says the soul stays alive in images and memories and music. If that is so, every time I sing he is here. Vibrating out in to the universe. Being in his presence was home. He did not say much, but when he talked he was calm and wise and affirming of who I was in the world and when he played the piano every evening when I would sing the American song book, it was my truth to share this music, be a musician and heal with lyric as he healed me. When I am in the presence of my patients or friends or loved ones who do not have the Dad I had, I wish to share how grateful I am for his time on earth. I share with my people, my clients, patients, loved ones, how they must look to other men in the world for this paternal healing, for there are wonderful Fathers and men out there…Wise friends to be had, to heal what they did not receive. In my future book, Search for The World Family Tree, I mention we are graced by finding our core family to be what we desire and seek this magic of masculine and feminine, paternal and maternal energy in other places, people and beings, if it was not ours to begin with.
My Dad was referred to as a king by many…from doorman, friend to strangers, he was silently gallant and graceful like King Arthur, and he too knew the loss of Camelot. I have a fake sister, she started as a housekeeper for my parents, from Jamaica, who he took under his wing in support of her talents, which today are many. He paid for her nursing school, had a car service take her to classes and she is a successful woman, soul sister and colleague of mine today. She was my age. After I left for college she came to my house and my parents showed her love and support. She had him walk her down the isle and considers him her true Father for saving her life. He changed every life he touched in some way. The energy, the awe of his kindness is what I miss…
Coffee was sipped as I starred at him with teaspoons of his coffee slowly turning my milk taupe and delicious. My coffee addiction comes from the attempt to replicate our mornings through life. I look at a photo of him with my 4 year old daughter doing the same thing at breakfast with her. She remembers too. He was not perfect. He taught her how to spit and steal mops from Home Depot.
I know that my efforts to be a present and a loving Mom, to create ease and a safe place to fall comes from my education by him. Anything with him was a learning in kindness, grace, humor, love of a life, lived like a beautiful song.